ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
