not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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