Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
