Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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