I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
