Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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