I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
bring money and cleavage
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
