"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
