god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
