i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
