you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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