I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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