You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
