I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
