Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
