This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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