why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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