Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
