My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
