Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
