Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
