I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
