i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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