I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
