When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
