theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
