god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
