Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
