im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
