Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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