is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
