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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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