Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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