haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
