I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
