My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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