having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
