i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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