Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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