Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
