Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sacagawea was the original milf.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
