I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
