I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
