Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
