so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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