I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
