A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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