what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
