Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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