Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
