How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
