There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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