Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
