If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
