Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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